Remember the old song Falling in Love With Love? If you fall in love with love, and it’s all about romance and intensity that quickly transitions into chaos and disappointment, chances are what you’re falling into isn’t love at all. It’s addiction.
For Love Addicts, the mad passionate act of falling in love is about abandoning the self in search of the fantasy other, the knight in shining armor with Happily Ever After emblazoned on his shield.
Pia Mellody, author of Facing Love Addiction lists the three primary characteristics of a Love Addict:
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- Love Addicts assign a disproportionate amount of time, attention and “value above themselves” to the person to whom they are addicted, and this focus often has an obsessive quality to it.
- Love Addicts have unrealistic expectations for unconditional positive regard from the other person in the relationship.
- Love Addicts neglect to care for or value themselves while they’re in the relationship
Most new relationships involve an intensity which can be exciting for a while but eventually fades. The search for this kind of intensity (often mistaken for intimacy) can easily result in negative consequences, especially if it keeps you on a merry-go-round of new and ever-more-unsatisfying relationships. True intimacy with another person develops over time and is the result of conscious personal investment.
